I went to climb Mount Kilimanjaro 48 hours after getting out of the Marine Corps. My confidence and ego were at all time high’s coming into Mount Kilimanjaro, but by the end of it, confidence and ego were at all time lows.

I was in Africa 48 hours after my last official day in the Marine Corps. I went there to fill a void in my soul that yearned for a stinky ass, poverty stricken, polluted, primitive, shithole, with really nice people.

“fuck man, that’s the biggest fuckin dick I’ve ever seen in my life, and not to sound gay or anything, but I’ve seen a lot of big dicks…... I just couldn’t stop staring man. What the fuck is wrong with me?”

Much of what I experienced in the Marine Corps seemed like I was watching a movie. This is probably because before I joined, my impression of the Marine Corps was mostly derived from movies and books.

All men are pigs. Marines are bigger pigs. Marine Infantrymen, in combat, while hunting the enemy, are the biggest pigs. There is no way around this, it’s always been like this, and always will.

Unbeknownst to the world, Infantry Marines are actually the most openly gay straight men on the planet. This story is just a small taste of the gayness that goes on amongst Marines.

“My masseuse was not the slightest bit attractive, although it’s hard to say for sure. Every guy knows that for 10 minutes after jerking off, nothing in the world is attractive.”

I wasn't exactly the best Officer in the Marine Corps. I can't say for sure because I don't know exactly how we were ranked by Marine Corps leadership, but I can say for sure that I wasn't in the top 5.

Warning: I want to make it clear that I do not condone the use of illegal drugs anymore. (Weed is not a drug) With that being said, I have some stories from my past involving illegal drug use that are so funny they must be told.

This part of my life begins the day I barely graduated college, and ends the morning I showed up to the airport hungover, reeking of 151, on my way to Marine Corps Officer Candidate School. (This set the tone for my career as an upstanding Officer)

My parents raised me to be a good person, to be respectful and tolerant of all people, and most importantly, to serve others.
Their upbringing led me to be a teacher, coach, personal trainer, Marine Officer, and caretaker to my Grandma, amongst other things.

Thanks to my pre genetic disposition to breaking, I was medically retired from the Marines when I was 30. Let me explain…

I joined the Marine Corps in January of 2009.  Almost everyone I knew told me I was an idiot for joining. Boy were they wrong!

This section begins with the day I moved into the dorms at San Diego State, in August of 2001, and ends the day I moved out of the frat house, July of 2006. And just to clear up any confusion, the day I moved out of the frat house was not the day I graduated college.

This section chronicles my life from the day my family pulled up to our new home in San Diego (in our piece of shit Ford Aerostar) in June of 1996, until September of 1999.

This section chronicles my life from the day my family arrived in Chapel Hill, North Carolina, in July, 1992, until the day we left for San Diego, California, in June, 1996.

This section chronicles my life from accidental birth in November of 1983 in Queens, NY, to July of 1992, when we left NY. Like all good Catholic's, I enjoy shamelessly mocking Catholicism. 

"De beautiful women are bery dangerous…… bring around all kinds of diseases." Dangerous, Beautiful women.